Somebody Wake Me From This Nightmare
by DeidaraClone
Summary: Tobi, Deidara, Sasori, Itachi, & Hidan inhale a gas during a fight that reduces their ages. The rest of Akatsuki have to watch them. They go to Tokyo undercover until the gas wears off & meet the senshi. WARNINGS: Yaoi, spanking, lemons, and Hidan's mouth


**DeidaraClone:** I thought of this because I was bored and needed to create a new family for my Sims 2 Double Deluxe, and I thought of an Akatsuki family! It had Hidan (teenager), Deidara (child) Pein (adult; the "mommy"), and Kakuzu (adult; the "daddy"). But Deidara was taken away...

**Kakuzu:** *is giving Pein hungry eyes* Anyways, just start the story already so I can go have some "fun" with Pein.

**Pein:** *steps behind Rayne*

**Minato:** Rayne-sama doesn't own Naruto or any of the characters, including me. She does own this story and the idea. Well, as far as she knows she owns the idea. This fanfiction will contain yaoi, spanking of minors and adults, lemons, and mentions of yuri. This will turn into a full blown crossover in a later chapter. Thank you and please enjoy!

**/+Chapter Start+\**

Pein hissed in pain as Kakuzu bandaged his injured arm. "Be careful dammit!" he yelled/whined. "Shut up! I'm being as careful as I can!" Kakuzu growled. He loved Pein, but the man could really annoy him at a time like this. He was a big baby when it came to getting his wounds treated. Pein tried to squirm away, but Kakuzu caught him and flipped him so he was laying on his stomach on the cot. Pein squirmed even more. "Kakuzu! Let go!" Kakuzu swatted the man's ass five times, making him whimper, then sat him back up. "Now behave, or I'll do it again, but harder." Pein nodded with a pout. Kakuzu finished patching him up and told him to scoot off to their shared room. Pein did just that, rubbing his ass a bit. Kakuzu called Hidan and Deidara in to sew up the large gashes they each had on their legs.

He had to tie both down so they wouldn't make things worse, and it went smoothly. "Alright you two. Go and clean up. You're covered in blood and dirt!" Deidara rushed off as fast as he could to do so since he was scared of the green-and-red eyed man, but Hidan stayed to start shit. "Why the fuck are you such a kind shit to that bastard who calls himself our leader, but not to the rest of us?" "Hidan, you should know the answer to that. Now, get out of here before I drag you out." Hidan grumbled curses under his breath as he stormed to his room. After he finished cleaning up, he went to find his lover lounging on the bed in his birthday suit, smirking. "Oh, you horny thing. Did I turn you on with that punishment?" Kakuzu teased. Pein pouted and sat up. "Oh, fuck you!" "I think I shall, since you look so tempting~"

Kakuzu crawled on top of Pein and kissed him deeply, pinning the slightly smaller man to the bed. Pein moaned into his lover's mouth and went limp. Kakuzu practically tore off his own clothes so they could get to the steamy part. He used his tentacles to grab their "toys" while he smothered his uke's neck with kisses. (**Me:** Okay, I'm not in the mood to write a lemon. I leave it to you to imagine what happens until I can write it myself.) Pein curled into Kakuzu's arms, panting. "Y-You did u-use a-a condom, right Kuzu?" he stuttered quietly with a blush. "Of course I did baby." he replied with a smile and kissed Pein's forehead. "Will everyone be alright? That gas looked bad..." Kakuzu gave him a stern look. "Calm down. I think I've seen it before." Pein quirked his eyebrow. Kakuzu sighed.

"It might mess with their mental state of mind for up to a week, but yes, they'll be just fine." Pein smiled and nuzzled into him, about to fall asleep when they suddenly heard a shrill crying that sounded like a child between ages zero and three. Kakuzu and Pein jumped up and threw on their boxers, then ran out to find where it was coming from. They got to the living area and looked around. "OWWIE! WET GO!" a voice cried. Kakuzu looked over the couch and saw a three year old Tobi being held on the ground by a ten year old Deidara by his hair. "No! You stoled my clay you stupid baby, un! Give it back!" Pein was frozen with shock. Deidara and Tobi were children. Fighting. Okay, the fighting part wasn't so weird. They always fight. "Hey hey hey! Break it up you two!" Kakuzu said sternly.

Deidara looked up at Kakuzu with a glare. "I will when he gives me back the clay he stoled, un!" Kakuzu gave the small blonde a stern glared and pried his hand from Tobi's hair. The small masked boy rubbed his head. "Lemme go! Lemme go!" Deidara yelled, flailing his limbs to try and get his collar out of Kakuzu's hand. He picked the blonde up under his arm and started swatting his small bottom, though easier than normal since he was smaller. "OOOOOWWWWW~! STOP IT, UN! THAT HUUUURRRRRTS~!" he whined, kicking his legs. Pein managed to snap back to reality and moved over to Tobi and picked him up. "Deidawa is a meanie!" he said. "I know Tobi." he said awkwardly. Deidara was now sobbing and choked out an "I'm sorry", to which Kakuzu responded by putting him down.

"You go and stand in the corner right now Deidara." he said and pointed to the empty corner to the left of the TV. Deidara just nodded and did as he was told, rubbing at his bottom. "No rubbing." Pein looked to Kakuzu. "Didn't know you could handle children." "Pein, you know my age, I've taken care of children before." Pein shrugged as Tobi played with his hair in curiousity. "Ow! Okay, be careful with my hair Tobi." Tobi just nodded and started poking at Pein's piercings. Said man sighed and almost dropped Tobi when he heard a scream. "I'd know that scream anywhere. Hidan." Kakuzu said. "Make sure Deidara stays put until I get back." Pein nodded as Kakuzu dashed off to Hidan's room. "KAKUZU YOU GOD DAMNED FUCKER! WHAT THE FUCK IN BLOODY HELL DID YOU DO TO ME?" the Jashinist screamed.

Pein had covered Tobi's ears the moment he heard Kakuzu's name. Kakuzu dragged the now fifteen-year-old with bright green hair out by his ear. "Looks like it wasn't just Tobi and Deidara." Hidan tried to kick Kakuzu in the groin. Kakuzu grabbed his ankle and threw him on the floor, holding him there with his tentacles. "Let go you-" "Hidan! Language!" Pein said. Deidara turned his head just enough to look at what was going on. "Deidara, you can come out now _if_ you'll tell Tobi that you're sorry." Kakuzu said. Deidara sniffled and came out of the corner, rubbing his eyes and bottom. "Now, say you're sorry to Tobi." Pein put Tobi down and the small child hid behind his legs. "Sorry Tobi, un." he said. "Now, Tobi, give Deidara back his clay and say that you're sorry, too."

Tobi grabbed a small plastic bag of clay and slowly handed it to Deidara. "Tobi sowwy Deidawa. Tobi no take clay again." he said. Deidara took his clay and moved to play with it at the other side of the room. Kakuzu put Tobi in the corner for three minutes then let him go and play with Deidara. "Will you let me up you-OW!" Kakuzu slapped Hidan's ass to shut him up. "No bad words around those two. Especially Tobi." Hidan grumbled incoherent curses under his breath. Pein rubbed his temples. "Kuzu, can I go and sleep? My head is starting to hurt." Kakuzu gave his lover a nod and pecked his lips lovingly before the orange haired man went back to their bedroom. Kisame then walked out with a five year old Itachi on his back, asleep. "Him too? God dammit." Kakuzu said, only him and Kisame hearing the last word.

"So it's not just him?" Kisame asked. "Nope. Deidara is ten, Tobi is three and Hidan is, uh," "I'M FIFTEEN AGAIN FUCKER! OOOWWW!" Kakuzu slapped Hidan's ass again. "I told you to watch your mouth!" Hidan growled. Itachi's black eyes slowly opened and he rubbing his right one with his fist in a cute way. "What's going on?" he asked quietly. Kisame put Itachi down on the couch and sat down beside him. Itachi just crawled onto Kisame's lap and went back to sleep. "Okay, this is bad. The only others who were at that fight that are left are Sasori and Zetsu. If one of them is a child again, then there will will be one adult per child, but we can't stay here either way. Having some of our members helpless could get us killed." Kisame was silent.

"We have to move to a new location, undercover, until everyone is back to normal. The gas that did this will take a while to wear off." "Great. So I have to attempt to take care of a five year old, and we have to move somewhere else for a bit?" "Bingo." Kisame rubbed one of his temples, his other hand busy with stroking Itachi's hair. "Kisame, you already seem good with kids. Just look at Itachi; he's calm and asleep, but when he was actually five he was a hyper brat." Kisame looked down at the small, sleeping Uchiha and blinked. "I highly doubt that." Kakuzu shrugged and yanked Hidan up by his ear. "Watch it! The only pain I can enjoy is during my rituals!" Hidan growled. "Shhhhh!" Hidan gave the sharkman the bird and walked off. "Hidan, behave!" Kakuzu called after him.

They suddenly heard the scream of a young boy. "KAKUZUUUUUUU! GET IN HERE!" the voice screamed. "Oh no." said man mumbled and jogged towards the voice, following it to Sasori's room. He threw open the door and saw a small, shaking, human Sasori, probably twelve or thirteen. He looked up at Kakuzu with scared eyes. "What the hell is going on? Why is my body thirteen and human again?" "Remember that gas that you inhaled? It will turn anyone who has a human brain, heart, and lungs that all function into a child, the age is usually when something big happened to them, or just whatever age they think of when they inhale the gas." Kakuzu explained. "When will it wear off?" "A few months at least." Sasori put on a pouty glare and stomped his foot. "But I want to to be normal NOW!"

"Sasori, calm down. Even that Sannin Tsunade can't do anything." Sasori stomped his foot again. "Fix. Me. NOW!" Kakuzu grabbed Sasori by his ear and started swatting him with sharp, hard swats. "OOOWWW! Stop it!" he said, tears already falling from his eyes. Kakuzu stopped and moved Sasori to the corner. "You stay right there until I come back, understand me?" "Y-Yes s-sir." Kakuzu left the room to find some clothes for Sasori, seeing as he only had that one pair of pants since he was usually a puppet and didn't need clothes. He went and got some of Deidara's smaller clothes (he liked to have clothes too small for him because he thinks it makes him look hot) and took them to Sasori. "Put these on Sasori. You can't go around naked." Sasori silently did as he was told and stood in front of Kakuzu.

Kakuzu held onto the small redhead's arm and took him to the livingroom. "Kisame, we've got one more." Kakuzu said. "Happy happy joy joy." the man said sarcastically. Deidara snorted with laughter. "What?" "That sounded funny, un!" Sasori glared at the blonde through tear filled eyes. Deidara didn't notice and went back to playing with his clay and helping Tobi with whatever he was making. Zetsu walked in, looked at the kid Akatsuki members, then looked at the bottle in his hand. "I've had too much beer. **Yes, you have Zetsu. And I've had too many rainbows. They're actually kids dumbass.**" "Zasso! Watch the language around Tobi, Deidara, and Itachi!" "Sorry Kakuzu-san. I'll try to stop him from using foul language around them." Zetsu said.

Kakuzu shoved the plant into the next room. "Alright, we're moving locations. We have to go somewhere undercover until this wears off. I need you to that splity thingy you guys can do and take charge of one of the kids. Not Hidan, I'll handle him myself." The black and white head nodded, and a few minutes later the twins were seperated, and Zasso had the Venus flytrap on his shoulders. "Good." Deidara suddenly ran in, squealing, and hid behind Kakuzu. "Get back here Barbie!" Sasori yelled, following him. "Freeze!" Sasori stopped. "Now, what is going on?" "He took one of my puppets!" "I did not, un! I found it on the floor and I was gonna take it back to your room, un!" Kakuzu sighed as the two had a glaring battle. "You two stop it or I _will_ take you _both_ over my knee right now!" The two paled and shut up. "Good."

They walked off silently, making Kakuzu think that they were done, but then started up again. He followed them out and grabbed them by their ears. "OW!" The stitched man dragged them to Sasori's room and sat on the bed. "No! Don't, un!" Deidara whined. The man pulled both boys over his lap, which was easy considering the two were tiny now. He started swatting them as hard as he dared to. "OOOOOOWWWWWWWW!" "Stoooooooop~!" Kakuzu ignored their whining and kept swatting. Sasori squirmed and whimpered while Deidara kicked his legs and yelled out in pain. "Be still!" Kakuzu hissed, making Sasori freeze and grip the stitched-nin's pant leg. The man stopped when both of them were limp and crying. He put them on their feet and kneeled in front of them. "You two behave. Do you understand me?" "Y-Yes s-sir..." they answered in unison.

"Good." He grabbed both their hands and led them out to the main room. Kakuzu was surprised to see Pein there on the couch. "Babe, I thought you were taking a nap." he said. "Couldn't sleep. Too worried." Kakuzu handed Sasori and Deidara over to the plant twins and went to sit beside his lover. He pulled Pein into his lap and held him. "Don't worry. I'm already working out a plan to go undercover until they go back to normal, okay?" Pein nodded and pressed his lips to his lover's gently. Kakuzu's arms held the slightly smaller man around the waist. Deidara and Sasori each made a face. "Hey fuckers! Get a room!" Hidan growled from across the room. "Hidan, shut up and watch your mouth!" Kakuzu growled. Itachi slowly opened his eyes and looked around. "Why does everything look bigger?" he asked in a small voice.

No one answered him as he looked at himself before screaming. "WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO ME?" he shouted, falling off of Kisame's lap and onto the floor. "Itachi, language! And you inhaled the strange gas during the fight and it turned you and some of the others into children. We don't know when it'll wear off." Kisame explained, picking the raven up and sitting him back on his lap. "No! Let me go! I'm twenty-one dammit!" SMACK! Itachi yelped as Kisame's hand smacked his small rump. "What was that for?" "You're in the body of a five year old, so you will speak as if you are such." Itachi glared at the shark man and tried to active his Sharingan, finding it very difficult, remembering that he did awaken it at age five, but it was really hard to get it to activate again until he was six. "Fuck. My. LIFE!" he growled. Itachi yelped when Kisame swatted him again.

**/+Chapter End+\**

**DeidaraClone:** And that's it for chapter one! It be a cliffhanger for ya! I am so evil. XD

**Itachi:** You don't know evil, but you will once I'm done with you. *activates his Sharingan*

**DeidaraClone:** *gulps*

**Kankuro:** Well _finally_ I'm included in one of these chat things! *turns to you, the readers* Okay guys, please review. The better the reviews, the more inspired Rayne-gaki gets to write, and if she gets inspired, that means you won't have to wait long for more chapters. Next chapter is gonna be with the Senshi, so be prepared. Oh, and Uranus and Neptune aren't lovers. Rayne-gaki doesn't like them like that.

**DeidaraClone:** *is heard screaming and crying the background*

**Itachi:** *is heard scolding Rayne and hitting something*


End file.
